A Holiday Essay

Moi Mendoza
3 min readDec 23, 2020


The encounters where I cannot afford to give an answer to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” has finally come to an end, for now. I have been drawn thinking of the things that will make my holiday complete and it is more frustrating to give a definite answer as I identify myself as nonmaterialistic.

What do I really want for Christmas?

Another thing is, no one asked me this time but myself. After being able to surpass all the stressful amount of responsibilities, I have thought of giving myself solitude for the upcoming holiday. Maybe locking myself in my room for a day without thinking of anything that has got to do with the destruction of my life, or even dealing with people who bring me nothing but consistent exasperation would be a great present enough for me to save myself for at least a day in this detestable year to ever happen, yet. These thoughts living in my mind have been causing me extreme excitement I have not felt for a quite long time. I guess this desire of taking a break is another result of the growing up phase. I can never ask for more.

Then there you came, a present I thought I never needed.

Shamefully speaking, I am quite that temporary person you can encounter once in your life. Even I feel wary of myself. The need to always have people around is starting to grow apart from me until I met you. Who would have thought I’d still be making a friendship at the last month of the year? At first, I recognize you as another person who brings nothing but confusion and another headache. There are times you actually caused me those, though. But I am glad you always have a way to make it up to me, even if we both do not agree to a lot of terms. I see your arrival in my life as somewhat spontaneous; I didn’t need it, but now I don’t know if I could deal with life without hearing a word from you. The invisible string that connects you to my soul holds enough intimacy whenever I look at the calmness visible in your eyes and the way I feel your soul next to me when we play songs together even though we are miles apart gives me enough reason why I should always extend my gratitude towards the stars for leading me with their light towards a special place in your life. The bond I’ve had with others is nothing compared to what we have — as time passes, it gets stronger. And I cannot wait enough for the day where I will finally be able to share the same breeze with you, under the same sunlight, and witness how the universe will work together with the both of us. I have thought of giving myself peace for Christmas but you did it for me instead.

Love letters, Christmas tales, or any other dramatic anecdotes I have written in my life cannot define how certain I am with the happiness that radiates all over me because of you. If I will not have you anymore for the next holiday, I would just gladly keep on coming back to this very Christmas season where I felt nothing but bliss and genuine content I thought will never come upon me anymore. These words are not enough for me to describe how ecstatic I am when you sparked a light into such a troubled and dark year for me. You brought me to a good change ahead of the nearing hopeless end, and it’s all worth it.

To depict you as a holiday present alone is not fair. I am quite sure you are the gift I will always be excited to see. You are the greatest gift I ever had. You are the real game-changer.